greetings Dmaansr
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Dmaansr
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Monday, January 29, 2018
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Get Going or Get Out!!
Get Going or Get Out!!
I don’t know what has happened to our younger folks, but I tell you times sure have changed. As a young teenager growing up in the mid 80’s my Mom gave Blackhawk three choices as my impending graduation day approached (Go to school, Get a Job, or go to the Military). For me the choice was simple Blackhawk was taking his black azz to school!! Blackhawk’s mom already knew this, yet still as she had done my older brother she still laid out the choices.
The Monday after Blackhawk graduated from H.S. he found himself working at a warehouse with a bunch of older men driving a forklift and loading pallets with grocery items to be loaded onto a truck. Now you may ask what was so hard about that. Well let me tell you when your 18 years old and full of hormones popping dragging yourself into a hot azz warehouse to work from 3:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m. Mon - Fri was the last thing that one wanted to do!! Yet Blackhawk did this because Mom dukes had already said I had to pay her rent!! Can you believe it $400 p/week is what she was charging Blackhawk!!! Damn, I thought what the hell is up with this. Here I am going off to college in a few months, graduated from school with fairly good grades, never got into any real trouble, and been working doing some type of job since I was 14!! Yet this woman (note I said Woman, because my MOM would never do such a thing) wants to hit me up for $400 p/week! I can recall that during the time I was livid!! Now grant you Blackhawk was making about twice that much weekly anyway, but it was the principal of the thing.
Nevertheless, Blackhawk anteed up the $$ weekly and suffered all the humiliation from his boys for always being broke. You see Blackhawk wouldn’t tell anyone the amount of $$ that Mom was charging because I felt it wasn’t any of their business. Yet, everybody knew approximately how much $$ Blackhawk was making. So when Blackhawk would always was asking for this or that they would always be like “Damn nicca you always broke”. So many times I would want to yell out that my Moms was doing me an injustice by charging me all that $$ for rent, but yet, I remained silent and just took the insults.
So has Blackhawk suffered in silence my friends who also had jobs for the most part drove around in their new cars, or took their girlfriends on these exciting dates here and there in their new clothes etc… Yet here Blackhawk was driving around in the hand me down car and barely getting ends to meet to take his lady to the movies or out for a nice meal. What had I done to deserve this? What message was Blackhawk’s Mom trying to send him? How could this be?
Flash Forward 23 years…
As I look back on those days and what my Mom did for Blackhawk I can only say THANK YOU!! See she taught me the value of working and paying your bills. She tried to instill in me a sense of priorities and dedication to the home. She never praised me for bringing home a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk etc…For it was what I was suppose to do anyway if I lived in her/our house. As I have grown in this world and been faced with many different challenges in life I did so unnervingly as Blackhawk was prepared to tackle these difficulties the only way he knew how…Head on!! I see many of my friends who were allowed to chill out and whose parents pampered them with gifts and sang their praise when they did little things that was just commonplace in Blackhawk’s home. These same people (not all mind you) grew to expect praises and assistance from others has they made there way in this thing called life! Yet when these praises were no longer there they faltered and failed because they knew not how to deal with life’s little things so how could they possibly deal with the more difficult things such as wife, kids, work, bills, GOD!!!
So I say to the young men and women today “Get Going or Get Out” it may be tough love but it’s the best Love in the end. Someone once told me this quote “The only love that should grow towards separation, is the love between a parent and a child”. At the time I never knew what they meant, but as I have grown up in this world this statement has become much clearer to me with each passing day. I love my children with all my heart and body…My job as a parent is to prepare them for this thing called life. No matter what I do, children will one day leave my home and venture out into this world. I can only hope that I have prepared them the best way I can. Life knows no forgiveness and we live in a society where only the toughest survive. So I say again “Get going or get Out” for if I can’t teach you the easy way, then life will surely teach you the hard way!!
By the way that weekly payment that I was forced to pay my Mom...at the end of the summer when she dropped me off at my college dorm. She laid a envelope in my hands and said here you go son. I got you out of H.S. now it's your turn to become Man in this world." In the envelope was all the $$ I had given her over the summer!! Thanks MOM!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Camp Buck Buck!!
Camp Buck Buck…Yeah here I go off to Camp Buck Buck…When we traveled down to Calvert County our plans were just to go to the county fair!! How did I get roped into agreeing to attend this camping thing is beyond me. But if you know Black Hawk I’m game for whatever…It’s been sometime since I’ve been out camping...I mean real camping…no bathroom, no vehicles, no electricity etc…everything u bring has to be hauled in and hauled out…
Upon our arrival at the fair Brown Sugga gets stung by a bee!! Not only was she stung but the damn bee stung her in her lower back in the car while she was sitting down…That was one hell of a bee move to allude us both and get that sting off…lol
The clincher to the bee sting is that Brown Sugga is allergic to the bee stings…oh hell now I’m walking around the county fair with all these rednecks looking for the first aid station before Brown Sugga goes into convulsions…Great!!! Well as it turned out her Mom happened to be at the fair and had a shot ready for her baby girl (Moms always there when u need them!!!)
Now that I already paid the $20 entry fee for the fair we need to walk around this joint in order to get our monies worth!! As it turns out Brown Sugga has additional family there (family with millions of $$) who happen to be running all of the port-a-johns for the fair…Shit they even got a Winnebago sitting at the fair with free beer/food/ac/bathroom/beds etc…so we go up in there and chill as they catch up on old times…
Well somewhere between my 3rd or 4th beer I agreed to go on this Camp Buck Buck trip…Now mind you Black Hawk has been under a tight-tight budget lately…Only after we leave and I’m driving back from the country do I realize what the cost involved for this trip (tent, sleeping bag, air mattress, food, heater etc…)…But once I say I’m going to do something I try and make sure I do it!! Not to mention her peoples were so cool and since I said yes I think they have called everyday since to remind me of it…lol
So the time is almost here 3 days and counting before Brown Sugga and I head down to Calvert County and Camp Buck Buck…as it turns out this is suppose to be a heavily attended event (some 100 – 150 campers) for a three day (Fri – Sun) outing. Brown Sugga has assured me that we won’t need that heater…smile…but just in case I’m bringing one and a whole lot of baby wipes…Tell you about it later!!
Upon our arrival at the fair Brown Sugga gets stung by a bee!! Not only was she stung but the damn bee stung her in her lower back in the car while she was sitting down…That was one hell of a bee move to allude us both and get that sting off…lol
The clincher to the bee sting is that Brown Sugga is allergic to the bee stings…oh hell now I’m walking around the county fair with all these rednecks looking for the first aid station before Brown Sugga goes into convulsions…Great!!! Well as it turned out her Mom happened to be at the fair and had a shot ready for her baby girl (Moms always there when u need them!!!)
Now that I already paid the $20 entry fee for the fair we need to walk around this joint in order to get our monies worth!! As it turns out Brown Sugga has additional family there (family with millions of $$) who happen to be running all of the port-a-johns for the fair…Shit they even got a Winnebago sitting at the fair with free beer/food/ac/bathroom/beds etc…so we go up in there and chill as they catch up on old times…
Well somewhere between my 3rd or 4th beer I agreed to go on this Camp Buck Buck trip…Now mind you Black Hawk has been under a tight-tight budget lately…Only after we leave and I’m driving back from the country do I realize what the cost involved for this trip (tent, sleeping bag, air mattress, food, heater etc…)…But once I say I’m going to do something I try and make sure I do it!! Not to mention her peoples were so cool and since I said yes I think they have called everyday since to remind me of it…lol
So the time is almost here 3 days and counting before Brown Sugga and I head down to Calvert County and Camp Buck Buck…as it turns out this is suppose to be a heavily attended event (some 100 – 150 campers) for a three day (Fri – Sun) outing. Brown Sugga has assured me that we won’t need that heater…smile…but just in case I’m bringing one and a whole lot of baby wipes…Tell you about it later!!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
“I Love You”…the heart is a fickle thing, why did she say that to me? Things have been going so well between the two of us…someone I could talk to and she could talk to me…nothing more then what it was.
This has always been Black Hawk’s problem when it comes to the opposite sex…My boys told me in College…said “Black Hawk for some strange reason woman fall In Love with you”….they want to date me and be my wife…spend all their time with me etc…
Now I wasn’t trying to make her fall for me…Brown Sugga was just a body a person that was here that I could talk to and spend time with when I needed to go places. She would listen to my stories (good and bad)…we could talk about all types of things and she was fun to be around. Me well I was just being me for whatever that is worth.
I would let Brown Sugga know that Black Hawk was not available for anything else and she seemed cool with that…Brown Sugga knew of Memphis Wifey and heard of Native American stories and she thought I was making the stuff up…Man never knew the truth would be so hard to believe…lol
Black Hawk never made a move toward Brown Sugga…just was the gentleman I was raised to be…when time came for me to vacate and go handle my business out in another part of town Brown Sugga always understood and I never led her to believe we had more then what it was…
Memphis Wifey and I are growing further and further apart…she is learning how to be on her own…something that I thought she needed to do…I’m not going to go to much more into that as she has asked me not to write about her and I…so I will honor that request…but there are things popping around in my head about her and I that need to be said…so I will say them but in my own private writings (For Me Only – FMO).
In the meantime Brown Sugga and I have been talking…I must say I have been talking to a few folks lately (Brown Sugga, Dreads, Sunshine, Texas Two-Step, and Ms. Divine) all of which have been really nice to talk to. I know what to expect from Texas Two-Step and Ms. Divine (lucky both are long distance or that could mean trouble…smile) However, the others are new (2 local and 1 long distance (Sunshine)…) and not sure what will happen with them.
Black Hawk has been rather guarded in what he has to offer anyone right now (which is nothing) but that doesn’t stop me from being the person I am. Memphis Wifey once told me that she gets jealous when I’m out because she knows what women see in me that makes them fall for me…I wish I knew...smile!!
When Brown Sugga expressed these words to me I was so caught off guard and defenseless I think I said something like “Thank You”…I’m sure the look on my face was a perplexing one. I don’t know what to say or think about this revelation by her to me…I hope that it doesn’t change how we react towards one another for up to now it has been cool. However, if she is looking for the same type of response from me to her…I can’t see myself falling in line with that feeling. I am unable to Love right now…don’t trust it and don’t feel it…I like the time that I am having with folks because there is no expectation of “LOVE”!!
I think I may have to sit Brown Sugga down and restate my position so that she is clear on what this is. Hopefully, she will understand…Hopefully!!
Until then…
This has always been Black Hawk’s problem when it comes to the opposite sex…My boys told me in College…said “Black Hawk for some strange reason woman fall In Love with you”….they want to date me and be my wife…spend all their time with me etc…
Now I wasn’t trying to make her fall for me…Brown Sugga was just a body a person that was here that I could talk to and spend time with when I needed to go places. She would listen to my stories (good and bad)…we could talk about all types of things and she was fun to be around. Me well I was just being me for whatever that is worth.
I would let Brown Sugga know that Black Hawk was not available for anything else and she seemed cool with that…Brown Sugga knew of Memphis Wifey and heard of Native American stories and she thought I was making the stuff up…Man never knew the truth would be so hard to believe…lol
Black Hawk never made a move toward Brown Sugga…just was the gentleman I was raised to be…when time came for me to vacate and go handle my business out in another part of town Brown Sugga always understood and I never led her to believe we had more then what it was…
Memphis Wifey and I are growing further and further apart…she is learning how to be on her own…something that I thought she needed to do…I’m not going to go to much more into that as she has asked me not to write about her and I…so I will honor that request…but there are things popping around in my head about her and I that need to be said…so I will say them but in my own private writings (For Me Only – FMO).
In the meantime Brown Sugga and I have been talking…I must say I have been talking to a few folks lately (Brown Sugga, Dreads, Sunshine, Texas Two-Step, and Ms. Divine) all of which have been really nice to talk to. I know what to expect from Texas Two-Step and Ms. Divine (lucky both are long distance or that could mean trouble…smile) However, the others are new (2 local and 1 long distance (Sunshine)…) and not sure what will happen with them.
Black Hawk has been rather guarded in what he has to offer anyone right now (which is nothing) but that doesn’t stop me from being the person I am. Memphis Wifey once told me that she gets jealous when I’m out because she knows what women see in me that makes them fall for me…I wish I knew...smile!!
When Brown Sugga expressed these words to me I was so caught off guard and defenseless I think I said something like “Thank You”…I’m sure the look on my face was a perplexing one. I don’t know what to say or think about this revelation by her to me…I hope that it doesn’t change how we react towards one another for up to now it has been cool. However, if she is looking for the same type of response from me to her…I can’t see myself falling in line with that feeling. I am unable to Love right now…don’t trust it and don’t feel it…I like the time that I am having with folks because there is no expectation of “LOVE”!!
I think I may have to sit Brown Sugga down and restate my position so that she is clear on what this is. Hopefully, she will understand…Hopefully!!
Until then…
Saturday, August 22, 2009
We Got Soaked!!
We Got soaked….yes the rains opened up on us as we made our way down to National Harbor for the Ledisi concert…wasn’t sure if they would even still have it…but she. was game and I was still driving…Then it stopped so we thought we were good…Took the chairs out and the blanket and bag and headed for our night out on the waterfront…Yeah that’s what we thought…lol
The sky opened up again as soon as we started walking toward the Harbor…Not even the big azz umbrella that I confiscated from South Beach some years ago couldn’t help us…Brown Sugga took off her shoes and just started walking in the rain…cool points for that…Unlike many other sisters Brown Sugga not worried about rain on head (she chemical Free…yeah..and it’s all hers…yeah yeah yeah!!!
So half way there I am soaked she is soaked but we go on…concert is going to be packed…but Black Hawk not worried because he done already set-up seats …Yeah made a few calls and cousin got there early and save me two spots so I can get good view…Thank GOD for family!!
Black Hawk is meeting P-Fine there and she is bringing her jump off with her…This will be a first for Black Hawk. See P-Fine and Black Hawk use to have a thing for one another, but that has faded into just a real good friendship…But we have never been out with each other with people on our sides…
Well Black Hawk and Brown Sugga finally get there and it is crowded…text my family and they directed us to where they were…had to climb over folks but we made it and had good ass seats…concert was ok, but it was free so Ledisi only gave us a sample…Text P-Fine and told her where we were and she came with her friend…Made introductions and long story short…P-Fine’s friend turned out to be an azzhole…by the end of the night they would arguing and Black Hawk would need to take P-Fine home.
AIN’T THIS A BITCH!!! SHE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE HERE ANYMORE…WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS…I SAW HER BUT I KNOW SHE DIDN’T SEE ME!!!! Yeah u know it Native American was there with her new Jump Off…hahaha…I was good though as I have gotten over her now and have moved on…I was still shocked to see her…Brown Sugga asked me what was wrong and my response was “Ghost from the past has reappeared, but the mist quickly faded”…Brown Sugga laughed and said ok…
Took out my camera to try and take pictures…fuck…camera got wet and now is no longer functional…was thinking bout getting new camera anyway…so when the pocket can handle it I’ll check that off my list of things to do…
Oh well Brown Sugga and I enjoyed the evening…listened and talked and laughed with others…mmmm night was right!! Can’t for the life of me wonder why with all those folks people tried to leave right after concert instead of taking in some of the many places the harbor has to offer…Brown Sugga and I went to Ketchup Restaurant and had a meal…Black Hawk had to schmooze a seat as they said it was a 60 – 90 minute wait. Shit…wasn’t waiting that long…talked to Manager and within 15 minutes we had a seat…I think Brown Sugga was impressed…Other folks were wondering how we got seated so fast…can’t tell but let’s just say being an Asthmatic sometimes has it’s advantages…lol
It was then that I got a call from P-Fine asking me if I was still here…of course I said yes…she asked if I could meet her…of course I said yes…See Brown Sugga and I had already figured this would happen so when I turned to Brown Sugga and told her I had to go handle something she was like ok…do ur thing baby…
En-route to meet P-Fine I saw N/A again but from afar…oh well…happy for her…next!!
P-Fine and ole boy were beefing hard this time…I showed up and said P-Fine what’s the problem and he was like ur girl is trippin…of course I didn’t hear or wasn’t tryin to hear him…I looked at P-Fine and said get ur stuff I’ll take u home…no explanation needed…a friend needed assistance and so nothing needed to be explained.
Went back to restaurant and we finished our meal...the three of us talked about the nights events and laughed about what all happened…P-Fine thought it was funny that N/A was there and told me she was happy that I didn’t let it affect me. Brown Sugga said she had a good time as we drove home from dropping off P-Fine.
We listened to music turned way down low and talked all the way home…I could tell as we got closer to that fork in the road that she was wondering as I was to. See the fork in the road is the point that we get to where one way will lead to her place and the other to mine…Long story short I took the right path as I dropped her off at her door and she said good night!!
Guess what? It was pouring down raining again and we were both still wet!!
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