Camp Buck Buck!!

Camp Buck Buck…Yeah here I go off to Camp Buck Buck…When we traveled down to Calvert County our plans were just to go to the county fair!! How did I get roped into agreeing to attend this camping thing is beyond me. But if you know Black Hawk I’m game for whatever…It’s been sometime since I’ve been out camping...I mean real camping…no bathroom, no vehicles, no electricity etc…everything u bring has to be hauled in and hauled out…

Upon our arrival at the fair Brown Sugga gets stung by a bee!! Not only was she stung but the damn bee stung her in her lower back in the car while she was sitting down…That was one hell of a bee move to allude us both and get that sting off…lol

The clincher to the bee sting is that Brown Sugga is allergic to the bee stings…oh hell now I’m walking around the county fair with all these rednecks looking for the first aid station before Brown Sugga goes into convulsions…Great!!! Well as it turned out her Mom happened to be at the fair and had a shot ready for her baby girl (Moms always there when u need them!!!)

Now that I already paid the $20 entry fee for the fair we need to walk around this joint in order to get our monies worth!! As it turns out Brown Sugga has additional family there (family with millions of $$) who happen to be running all of the port-a-johns for the fair…Shit they even got a Winnebago sitting at the fair with free beer/food/ac/bathroom/beds etc…so we go up in there and chill as they catch up on old times…

Well somewhere between my 3rd or 4th beer I agreed to go on this Camp Buck Buck trip…Now mind you Black Hawk has been under a tight-tight budget lately…Only after we leave and I’m driving back from the country do I realize what the cost involved for this trip (tent, sleeping bag, air mattress, food, heater etc…)…But once I say I’m going to do something I try and make sure I do it!! Not to mention her peoples were so cool and since I said yes I think they have called everyday since to remind me of it…lol

So the time is almost here 3 days and counting before Brown Sugga and I head down to Calvert County and Camp Buck Buck…as it turns out this is suppose to be a heavily attended event (some 100 – 150 campers) for a three day (Fri – Sun) outing. Brown Sugga has assured me that we won’t need that heater…smile…but just in case I’m bringing one and a whole lot of baby wipes…Tell you about it later!!

I'm BACK!!!!!!!

“I Love You”…the heart is a fickle thing, why did she say that to me? Things have been going so well between the two of us…someone I could talk to and she could talk to me…nothing more then what it was.

This has always been Black Hawk’s problem when it comes to the opposite sex…My boys told me in College…said “Black Hawk for some strange reason woman fall In Love with you”….they want to date me and be my wife…spend all their time with me etc…

Now I wasn’t trying to make her fall for me…Brown Sugga was just a body a person that was here that I could talk to and spend time with when I needed to go places. She would listen to my stories (good and bad)…we could talk about all types of things and she was fun to be around. Me well I was just being me for whatever that is worth.

I would let Brown Sugga know that Black Hawk was not available for anything else and she seemed cool with that…Brown Sugga knew of Memphis Wifey and heard of Native American stories and she thought I was making the stuff up…Man never knew the truth would be so hard to believe…lol

Black Hawk never made a move toward Brown Sugga…just was the gentleman I was raised to be…when time came for me to vacate and go handle my business out in another part of town Brown Sugga always understood and I never led her to believe we had more then what it was…

Memphis Wifey and I are growing further and further apart…she is learning how to be on her own…something that I thought she needed to do…I’m not going to go to much more into that as she has asked me not to write about her and I…so I will honor that request…but there are things popping around in my head about her and I that need to be said…so I will say them but in my own private writings (For Me Only – FMO).

In the meantime Brown Sugga and I have been talking…I must say I have been talking to a few folks lately (Brown Sugga, Dreads, Sunshine, Texas Two-Step, and Ms. Divine) all of which have been really nice to talk to. I know what to expect from Texas Two-Step and Ms. Divine (lucky both are long distance or that could mean trouble…smile) However, the others are new (2 local and 1 long distance (Sunshine)…) and not sure what will happen with them.

Black Hawk has been rather guarded in what he has to offer anyone right now (which is nothing) but that doesn’t stop me from being the person I am. Memphis Wifey once told me that she gets jealous when I’m out because she knows what women see in me that makes them fall for me…I wish I knew...smile!!

When Brown Sugga expressed these words to me I was so caught off guard and defenseless I think I said something like “Thank You”…I’m sure the look on my face was a perplexing one. I don’t know what to say or think about this revelation by her to me…I hope that it doesn’t change how we react towards one another for up to now it has been cool. However, if she is looking for the same type of response from me to her…I can’t see myself falling in line with that feeling. I am unable to Love right now…don’t trust it and don’t feel it…I like the time that I am having with folks because there is no expectation of “LOVE”!!

I think I may have to sit Brown Sugga down and restate my position so that she is clear on what this is. Hopefully, she will understand…Hopefully!!

Until then…

We Got Soaked!!

We Got soaked….yes the rains opened up on us as we made our way down to National Harbor for the Ledisi concert…wasn’t sure if they would even still have it…but she. was game and I was still driving…Then it stopped so we thought we were good…Took the chairs out and the blanket and bag and headed for our night out on the waterfront…Yeah that’s what we thought…lol

The sky opened up again as soon as we started walking toward the Harbor…Not even the big azz umbrella that I confiscated from South Beach some years ago couldn’t help us…Brown Sugga took off her shoes and just started walking in the rain…cool points for that…Unlike many other sisters Brown Sugga not worried about rain on head (she chemical Free…yeah..and it’s all hers…yeah yeah yeah!!!

So half way there I am soaked she is soaked but we go on…concert is going to be packed…but Black Hawk not worried because he done already set-up seats …Yeah made a few calls and cousin got there early and save me two spots so I can get good view…Thank GOD for family!!

Black Hawk is meeting P-Fine there and she is bringing her jump off with her…This will be a first for Black Hawk. See P-Fine and Black Hawk use to have a thing for one another, but that has faded into just a real good friendship…But we have never been out with each other with people on our sides…

Well Black Hawk and Brown Sugga finally get there and it is crowded…text my family and they directed us to where they were…had to climb over folks but we made it and had good ass seats…concert was ok, but it was free so Ledisi only gave us a sample…Text P-Fine and told her where we were and she came with her friend…Made introductions and long story short…P-Fine’s friend turned out to be an azzhole…by the end of the night they would arguing and Black Hawk would need to take P-Fine home.

AIN’T THIS A BITCH!!! SHE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE HERE ANYMORE…WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS…I SAW HER BUT I KNOW SHE DIDN’T SEE ME!!!! Yeah u know it Native American was there with her new Jump Off…hahaha…I was good though as I have gotten over her now and have moved on…I was still shocked to see her…Brown Sugga asked me what was wrong and my response was “Ghost from the past has reappeared, but the mist quickly faded”…Brown Sugga laughed and said ok…

Took out my camera to try and take pictures…fuck…camera got wet and now is no longer functional…was thinking bout getting new camera anyway…so when the pocket can handle it I’ll check that off my list of things to do…

Oh well Brown Sugga and I enjoyed the evening…listened and talked and laughed with others…mmmm night was right!! Can’t for the life of me wonder why with all those folks people tried to leave right after concert instead of taking in some of the many places the harbor has to offer…Brown Sugga and I went to Ketchup Restaurant and had a meal…Black Hawk had to schmooze a seat as they said it was a 60 – 90 minute wait. Shit…wasn’t waiting that long…talked to Manager and within 15 minutes we had a seat…I think Brown Sugga was impressed…Other folks were wondering how we got seated so fast…can’t tell but let’s just say being an Asthmatic sometimes has it’s advantages…lol

It was then that I got a call from P-Fine asking me if I was still here…of course I said yes…she asked if I could meet her…of course I said yes…See Brown Sugga and I had already figured this would happen so when I turned to Brown Sugga and told her I had to go handle something she was like ok…do ur thing baby…

En-route to meet P-Fine I saw N/A again but from afar…oh well…happy for her…next!!

P-Fine and ole boy were beefing hard this time…I showed up and said P-Fine what’s the problem and he was like ur girl is trippin…of course I didn’t hear or wasn’t tryin to hear him…I looked at P-Fine and said get ur stuff I’ll take u home…no explanation needed…a friend needed assistance and so nothing needed to be explained.

Went back to restaurant and we finished our meal...the three of us talked about the nights events and laughed about what all happened…P-Fine thought it was funny that N/A was there and told me she was happy that I didn’t let it affect me. Brown Sugga said she had a good time as we drove home from dropping off P-Fine.

We listened to music turned way down low and talked all the way home…I could tell as we got closer to that fork in the road that she was wondering as I was to. See the fork in the road is the point that we get to where one way will lead to her place and the other to mine…Long story short I took the right path as I dropped her off at her door and she said good night!!

Guess what? It was pouring down raining again and we were both still wet!!

Catching Up...

It’s been sometime since I’ve been out here…I have been having quite a good time of late…I don’t know where to really start…It appears that I am going through this transformation and things are happening to me, for me, by me that have been quite becoming of me…lol

Went up to NJ a few weeks back and Black Knight and I actually hooked up for a night out…it was funny that I had to wait on Black Knight and not Black Knight waiting on me…see through all that I’ve been through the past few months I had decided to change some personal traits about me that were not so becoming…being punctual was one of them…

I went on what you could say was my first official “date” with someone new recently…Oh what a time we had together….we laughed, and danced, and talked, and had drinks (but not to get drunk…something that was quite the norm in the past)…I’ll call her Mirage…yeah because she didn’t seem real…smile…She’s local, smart, strong, funny, pretty and she can SING her cute little butt off.

The dance that we are dancing has been filled with truths and nothing more…she knows what I am going through right now and is respectful of that…Mirage has admitted that she is envious of Memphis Wifey and understands why she wants to keep things in tack. I blushed of course, and told her thank you!!

Over some guacamole and chips at Rosa Mexicano at National Harbor she leaned in and said to me “Black Hawk I can’t fall for you, but damn it would be hard not to” I understood where she was coming from….see Mirage gets what and where I am at right now….Yet I am unable to give anything of substance to anyone right now…

See Black Hawk and Memphis Wifey are still working through there issues and who knows what will become of that…I have spent day after day moving her into her new spot and it’s quite nice, but the key word is “her” spot not “our” spot and it feels strange but it is so…

Mirage and I have been spending a good deal of time together…She has told me that she can be a friend to me and when things are right between me and Memphis Wifey (either good or bad) she would like to still be in my life…either as a good friend or something more…I won’t say much more about her and I right now because she and I are just good right now…but whoa what the possibilities could be!!! (See Black Erotica - A day of Romance...it was written for her by request...lol)

Was out a few days ago chilling round my new area of town…see funds are limited now and so I need to keep track of what and how I do things…henceforth I decided to chill out solo bolo at this spot called “My Place”…use to go there with someone else in another time and place…but now it’s my spot again for me…Black Hawk was just chilling at the bar listening to my IPod (love that thing up to 316 songs) when a group of ladies started in on me…

Now I wasn’t looking for any real convo that night so when the first one of them chimed in asking questions like “What are you listening to” or “Are you here alone” and of course “Why are you here alone”…before I knew it I had become part of that group…I can tell that I am slowly getting my swerve back in me…LOL

There was one Diva in particular from this Diva Squad that kept paying particular attention to me…I will call her Dreads (for the lovely locks that she wore so well)…we started engaging in a fanciful flirtatious discussion that I knew could go nowhere…but it was fun seeing if I still could…lol

As the night wore on and the Diva Squad slowly lost its members I found that Dreads was not trying to disperse from this place…So when the doors were finally ready to close I wasn’t surprised when it was just the two of us left in there…Dreads asked me to walk her to her car (which I would have done anyway as a gentleman)…while she was walking I saw her playing in her locks and then (her being slightly in-front of me) she turned slowly at me…My My My she planned that well for with her hair down and out of the pony tail she wore her locks in Dreads looked stunning with her piercing hazel eyes on her smooth light mocha skin tone…

See this was the set-up…I saw it coming and wanted to see how this would play out so I continued with the dance…

I had noticed earlier in the night how Dreads always kept her lips looking luscious all the time…after each meal or drink she would take out her weapons of choice and by the time the battle was over she would have two of the prettiest well done lips in the place…I must say that impressed Black Hawk as I Love a nice pair of lips on a lady…

So when she turned and looked at me with her locks hanging and her lips all done up with the glare of the parking lights twinkling in her eyes she almost had me…but I recovered and opened her door…now I should have just closed the door and said have a nice evening and been gone…but she was moving along to this dance to a well formed choreography…smile

So that I couldn’t close the door she left a foot hanging out the car preventing me from doing what she knew I would do…instead she proceeded to talk some more…I noticed the sweet smell that came from her nicely kept vehicle…Dreads proceeded to play her music and I soon discovered that she kept an arsenal of CD’s in her car…this captured me for Black Hawk loves slow jams and that’s what she had…By the end of the dance I would have secured 5 cd’s from her…lol

As I leaned into the car to listen to the sounds (as I did not want to go and sit on the pax side…danger…danger) I could feel her lean into me and smell me…now Black Hawk has a rule about smelling…grown folks should never stink…smile…So when Dreads told me “Damn you smell so good”, I was pleased but I thought to myself “Shouldn’t I”…

I could feel the heat from her body jumping off of her as I listened attentively to the music on her radio…I consciously kept my head looking forward, for if I turned it toward her then our lips would surely meet…Well this plan of action proved to be ill conceived…for Dreads had a plan of her own as she leaned forward and kissed my cheek…

DAMN…DAMN…DAMN…why did she have to go and do that!!! See if Black Hawk had been getting some loving lately a cheek kiss would have been nothing…but feeling those lips on my cheek sent explosions through me and so I turned and for what seemed like a eternity our lips met and did a slow dance…As I pulled away something strange happened to me…I did not want to go back…I saw pictures flying through my head of what was now a distant memory and Memphis Wifey and all that I was and had become over the past few weeks/months and said STOP!!

Dreads tried complementing me on my kiss and how soft Black Hawk’s lips were and so forth…I said thanks but see this I can not do and then I laid down the reasons why…Dreads was ok with that and appreciated me telling her my story (although it was brief and to the point)…she asked if we could be friends and I said of course we can and I would love to hang out again with The Diva Squad for they were all cool.

I closed the car door and told her to drive safely home…Now Dreads owns a townhouse in DC (the really nice part of DC I must say) so I told her to call me once she got home…She said ok, and blew me a kiss goodbye and pulled away…

It was strange a few days after that incident I was hanging with my boy MD Finest…we were just rapping when he indicated that he can tell that I’m walking better now…See me being naïve to something’s thought he was talking about how I was moving around better on my surgically repaired knee…silly me!!

MD Finest said “No man I ain’t talking about that” but I see your walking better in your faith…I told him yeah without going into how it’s been testing me here and there, but I have been truly doing just that…

Black Hawk looks forward to attending church once again and sits there taking notes and listening to the sermon and trying to apply it to my life in some way…

Many other things have been going on in my life lately but if I tried to get it all down this post would be way to long…smile…I know I’m feeling better and better each day…OH yes, MY KIDS ARE BACK and they said they LOVE and missed ME!!!!!

Enough Said….

Vroom...Vroom...Vroom

When I purchased the vehicle I thought it was a watershed moment for me. Things were going great in my life: I was a Deacon in my church, I had a loving wife and two beautiful kids, I had just finished my 3rd year in my new home, we had just paid off one car and with me buying this one with cash that would mean I had two vehicles free and clear, we had just purchased a new SUV, I lived in a great community with friends all around me, GREAT job with excellent salary!

So when Music Man approached me about buying this car from him I weighed all my options and thought why not. So we negotiated a price and he gave me the keys and I worked like a slave on e-bay selling items to pay for the car. This was in the early days of e-bay so competition was scarce and I was able to make quick sales for a nice profit (got burned once for about $800 bucks…LOL).

Fast forward and today is 7/27/09 and Memphis Wifey called me up and asked if we could meet. Of course I said ok and we choose a destination, you see Memphis Wifey doesn’t like coming by my new spot and I can’t argue with that. I really feel uncomfortable with her over at my spot right now anyway.

The topic of our conversation was set from the moment we sat down.

Memphis Wifey – I want you to sell that car!!

Black Hawk – Why (like I didn’t already know the answer to that question)?

Memphis Wifey – Too many bad memories are associated with that car.

Black Hawk – Thinking to myself and not really ready to answer…I just said “I will think about it”….Is that all you wanted to talk about?

Memphis Wifey – Yes

Black Hawk – Ok, well I”ll talk to you later I have some errands to run….Bye

Memphis Wifey – Bye….Your family Love’s you!!

Black Hawk – Love You To…

p.s. – I still do Love her, but is that enough for us to endure…I don’t know?

Later on that evening I sat down and thought about that car and the things that have happened over the years since I got it. More specifically I thought about the different woman that Black Hawk has engaged in extra-marital affairs with during that time. So I got a piece of paper and pen and wrote down the list:

(In order of appearance)

1. Penthouse Pet – yeah the name implies it all…sexy as could be, ghetto fabulous style wise, wanted nice things but didn’t have the drive to go and work for them other then dancing with her clothes off. (No communication)

2. L-Boogie – Young at the time with middle age son, but wanted to experiment with other ladies and Black Hawk just wasn’t feeling it. (Still good friends to this day)

3. Westy – Three kids and couldn’t focus…had issues with parents since she was mixed race (Black/Asian) and adopted…Time Zone difference made it very hard to communicate. (Still talk with each other every now and then)

4. Old School Diva – We were friends from college days and should have just stayed that way…had a possessive ex-husband and two children who needed some discipline in their lives…unusual occupation (mortician…lol)…(No communication)

5. Philly Fanatic – Was ok with her until she went through my wallet…Didn’t know it at time but she wasn’t telling a story and I left her hanging. (Conversation today…but very superficial)

6. Hershey Park – Enjoyed spending time with her, but she had a lot of issues at home with her children (teenagers/young ones). (Still good friends today)

7. Texas-Two-Step - Distance was our issue…if not could have been a keeper! (Very-Very GOOD friends!!)

8. My Darling Clementine– Birthdays are on the same day…too much alike!! Did her very wrong as she really Loved Me!! (Still friends today)

9. MD Crab Cake – Waited years before we hooked up, but she turned out to be a leech! (Erased number from phone and really have no desire to see/talk to her again)

10. Georgia Peach – Friends in college…three children, divorced (dead beat ex), sex was the bomb, but just at different places in life…she was looking for a new husband quick and I couldn’t be that. (She’s married today ironically to a guy named Black Hawk, but we have no conversation).

11. Native American – Thought she was “The One”! (NO CONTACT AT ALL..BROKEN HEARTS ON BOTH SIDES)

By the time I finished I sat there in amazement…see the list didn’t even include what I call my “turnarounds”…ladies I had no emotional tie too just a purely physical thing…tisk…tisk…tisk

Now don’t get this confused I’m not saying that “The car made me do it”…silly of course…but what I am saying is that since I’ve purchased the car there has been a series of negative aspects about me that came along with it. It’s like I placed so much value in an object and not in the things that I should have been placing my values in (GOD, Family, and Friends) that somewhere along the way I lost my moral compass.

So, I have decided that the car must go. Henceforth, I am starting the process of getting rid of the car. Now, I’m not going to be stupid about it though. Someone (a mustang enthusiast) is going to pay top $$ for this vehicle, as I know that it is sought after. As you can see in the photo it has been well taken care of.


I can never get rid of the memories of the times that I have shared with each and every person that I listed above, but I can get rid of the object that brought about those situations. Asking price starting at $10,000 (firm)!! A small price to pay for regaining ones lost soul!!

Black Erotica - A Day of Romance

The day starts out like any other work day in her mind...but in his mind this will be unlike any other work day that she can remember. Brown Sugga gets up and performs her daily ritual and then heads out to the bus stop to catch her morning ride to her place of purgatory.

Little does she know on the other side of town Black Hawk has been up and planning and running around a few hours already. See he needed to get the envelope to her place of up's and down's so that the dance could begin. So as he talked her co-workers into leaving the small envelope that would give her the first instructions he wondered to himself "would she be game...was this too much too soon". However, at this point it was too late for hesitancy the Dance had begun!!

Meanwhile, Brown Sugga was now en route to her other place and sitting and thinking "I hate this place, why do I do it...need to make some changes...etc...". Within moments she would be walking through the door and into what she hated; another day at this spot. As Brown Sugga walked to her desk she immediately noticed something different.

On her computer screen was a beautiful purple looking envelope with some lovely hand writing on it. The envelope read "Open only if you’re ready to have your Dreams fulfilled", she knew immediately who it had to be from by the masculine smelling cologne that had invaded her nostrils already. It was a aroma that she had begun to grow use to over the past few weeks, it was what he wore when with her and every time she hugged him or sat close to him she felt so tingly inside by the fact this man always smelled so DAMN Goooood!!

As she picked up the envelope and shyly looked around to see if anyone was looking at her...Brown Sugga opened the envelope with care and slowly pulled out the card inside...as she pulled out the card...1 rose petal fell out...the card read as follows "This day is our day so don't log in to your computer as your leave slip has already been approved...so turn around and take the yellow line to Pentagon City, get off and proceed to the Ritz Carlton...Once there show ID and they will give you another envelope with your next set of instructions...sweet kisses and hope you arrive safe and secure."

Brown Sugga was so surprised that her knee almost buckled beneath her; however, she caught herself and slid down in her chair in aww...Not knowing what to do right away...Brown Sugga went to her supervisor to inquire had leave slip been approved for her...To her surprise her supervisor said one had and that she should enjoy herself for the day and that we would see her in two days (with a wink and a smile). Brown Sugga didn't need to hear anymore as she grabbed her bag and headed out the front door and towards the metro with a smile and anticipation.

While this was all happening Black Hawk had already started gathering all the items that would be needed to bring this day to its ultimate climax (wink) and had arrived at the Ritz ready to set the rest of the day in action. Since he had called ahead and spoken to the concierge when he came to the front desk and said his name the people already knew who Black Hawk was.

Black Hawk proceeded to pull out his method of payment for this day of romance and intrigue and then headed upstairs to the Lovers Delight suite...As he entered the room he was quite happy that all had been prepared to his instructions...all Black Hawk had to do was get himself ready...

Meanwhile, Brown Sugga had made her way through the maze of stops and transfers and finally arrived at the Ritz...As she quickly but calmly (if you can picture that) walked up to the front desk...she did as the instructions had told her...she presented her name and ID to the front desk employee. Upon verifying all her credentials the lovely lady reached underneath the desk and presented Brown Sugga with another purple envelope.

As she handed her the envelope the young lady said to Brown Sugga "Sister if you ever don't need that man, please please send him my way...with a smile". Brown Sugga in her sassy voice responded "Girl u better not wait on that...because if he keep this shit up we growing old together...lol".

Brown Sugga opened the purple envelope (which once again had his smell on it) and this time 2 rose petals fell out. There was what appeared to be a Room Key and a card with instructions on it. As she put the key in one hand and opened up the card the following was revealed "Hey baby girl...glad you made it here...give your belongings to the concierge and he will put them in your room...while he's doing that go down to the hotel restaurant and your morning breakfast will be waiting on you...once you are finished proceed to room 819...don't rush your meal for we have all the time we need...kisses...Black Hawk".

Oh, Brown Sugga thought to herself..."this is just to good to be happening to me"...but as before she did as the instructions said...but the anticipation was too much for her to control...for as she started to walk towards the restaurant she felt the wetness between her legs starting to really flow and started to blush inside for what was happening and how she was being made to feel....

As Brown Sugga was eating her breakfast...Black Hawk was upstairs getting himself all washed up and oiled down and smelling good...He wanted everything to be just right so he checked and rechecked all the things that needed to be done and then when all was ready he just chilled...

Brown Sugga was trying to enjoy her meal and all, but not surprisingly it became harder and harder to do so with her mind wondering "what was next"...she had not become use to all this in the short time that she had known Black Hawk...but one thing she was sure of...if this Man keeps this up I may just Love him for a lifetime (really)...

But for now she wanted to just be in the moment and not let this escape her so she took in everything (the smells, the pictures, the sounds etc...) As she finished her meal and sipped on her last bit of Chardonnay, she called over the waiter to inquire about the bill. The waiter politely informed her that it had already been taken care of and for her to enjoy her day.

Brown Sugga was so pleased that it was hard not to notice the Big Azz Kool-Aid smile on her face as she walked towards the elevators and up to Rm. 819...The closer she got the more intense her wetness became and she could feel her nipples becoming hard as diamonds...As she slide the card in the slot and pulled it out and heard the click of the door being unlocked...she imagined that being his shaft sliding into her hot wetness of joy and that click being the clicking of climax after climax...

But she quickly came out of it as she walked through the door where there was a trail of rose petals from the door leading to the back...the room was dark as heck for it to be so early in the day...and the only light was the light from the candles that were placed throughout the whole room (including the bathroom)...as she followed the trail of rose petals...they led her to a king sized bed and on it were two purple envelopes labeled Part 4 and Part 5.

As she sat down and opened up Part 4...this time when she opened the envelope a lock of hair fell from the package...she quickly remembered the time that a lock of her hair fell from her purse during their first date and this lock looked surprisingly like it...oh she thought "I know this Man didn't go and get that piece of hair...i know i through it in the trash...lol"...

The instructions on the envelope said the following "Relax your mind my Love for you and I will soon be together...but for now undress your self and proceed to the bath where you will find a nice warm bubble bath waiting on you to sooth your inner soul...soak in it for a awhile over a glass of wine...when you are finished come back to your bed and dial extension 012 and say I'm ready...then open Part 5...kisses"

Brown Sugga was just overwhelmed at this point as she proceeded to undress herself she couldn't help but slide her hand across her love box as it was so wet and smelled so good but she wanted to wait for the right hand to touch her there and get the full effect of what she had waiting for the Man who was putting all this together...and so she slid into the bath water that was heated just right and poured herself a glass of wine and just relaxed...

The Bath was just what Brown Sugga needed and by the time she finished as she slid out the warm water her body was feeling fresh and new...it was hard to dry off as even when she toweled down her dampness between her legs was still there...as she made her way back to her King Sized bed and proceeded to complete the instructions laid out in Part 4 she thought to herself how wonderful this man is making me feel and dialed 012...the phone rung 2 times before someone with a lovely voice answered "Hello Brown Sugga" to which Brown Sugga replied "I'm ready" and the voice on the other end says "Ok Brown Sugga" and call ended.

Brown Sugga then proceeds to open up the envelope labeled Part 5...as she does a small key falls out (a little perplexed) Brown Sugga places the key in her hand and proceeds to read the card..."Well baby you are almost there and we soon shall be together...what I want you to do now is take that small key and look underneath the bed where you will find a box...open up the box and take the contents in there and put them on...once you have them on pull the sheets back on the bed and lay on your stomach...from this point on I want you to quiet your mind and let things just happen...rem...I will always protect you so nothing can happen as long as you’re with me...smooches baby"

Brown Sugga did as the instructions said and opened the box where she found a blind fold and 4 individual packages of what appeared to be ropes...Not knowing what to do with the package she set them aside...she took the blind fold and set it on the counter as she proceeded to turn the sheets back on the bed...

After that she took off the rob she was wearing to expose all her lusciousness and then put the blindfold on...not surprisingly it was a perfect fit as was all the other events that had taken place so far today...Brown Sugga laid down on the bed with her beautiful back side exposed and then just quieted her mind as she stared into the darkness of the blindfold...

After about a minute had passed she heard a door open, but this wasn't the front door to the room, but the door that leads to the adjoining room!! She had not paid any attention to this door for she just assumed that it was locked and had nothing to do with her, but as she heard the door open and close it didn't take her long to figure out who it was...for she didn't need to see or hear this man but she could smell him...YES!!! He had arrived, but he said not a word to her as she could sense him standing over her as she lay quietly on the bed with her booty and back and legs all exposed to him...

Black Hawk had entered the room and was immediately impressed when he saw his Brown Sugga laid out across the bed in all her glory...his first inclination was to just rush over there and slide his love shaft right between her brown mounds of lush...but no he wanted to take it fast but slow...

So he just walked to her bed side and stood close enough so that she could feel him without feeling him and Black Hawk just observed Brown Sugga and could feel the heat coming from her...without saying a word Black Hawk proceeded to gently rub his fingertips from her toes up her leg over her booty and up her back and then take the same path down the other side...he could feel the shiver in Brown Sugga as soon as he touched her and knew that she was ready for whatever...

Black Hawk then proceeded to stand at the foot of the bed and take both of Brown Sugga's legs and spread them apart so that he could see the full extent of all her lush!! with one hand on one calf and the other on the other calf he proceeded to gently (but with pressure) rub his hands from her calf's all the way up to her thighs and to her lower back and then meet at her booty where he proceeded to begin his slow dance massage of her body...down her thigh with both hands and to her calf and then to each toe...snapping the stress from each toe and then returning them back with a soft wet kiss on each one...he then did this same dance to the other leg and thigh area until he could feel the stress disappear from her lower half...

After which Black Hawk focused his attention on that beautiful backside so he mounted the back of Brown Sugga...Carefully placing his shaft in between her buttocks but not invading that space and place yet as that was not the plan...he took both hands and grabbed her lower back and began his slow dance with his hands on her back...like all fine dances his hands glided smoothly across her back and shoulders...

Brown Sugga laid there and said not a word with her mouth, but her body was saying it all...her nipples were making valleys in the mattress from getting so excited...and her wetness was flowing so much by now that she thought that map makers may have to redo all the maps for the Mississippi was now flowing in Pentagon City, VA...

She could not help but arch her back so her booty would rise into him as he danced across her frame...she found her body reacting before she could think about what just happened...this man was doing things to her and in her that she had not had done to her before...it was a moment in time that she wanted to capture and hold for things like this they say are not forever...but for now...yeah for now...she had it and that's all that mattered....

Black Hawk had danced all over Brown Sugga for what seemed like forever...his hands became lost on her body and the symmetry was lovely...as he continued to dance on her he slid his body down between her legs as she laid spread eagle on her stomach...with each hand taking one butt cheek in hand he spread her cheeks apart and gently planted a kiss on her lump of lusciousness...

As he pulled away to plant another kiss he blew at her lusciousness for he could feel the heat emanating from her as his lips came down for another kiss...after planting a few more kisses between her he pulled back and proceeded to turn Brown Sugga over on her back...

Brown Sugga was lost in self by now as the kisses that Black Hawk had placed on her wet lusciousness and made her tingle from head to toe...she could feel her warm milk running down her inner thigh from the little (but many) climaxes that she had already had...

As he stopped and turned her over her first inclination was to say "No...Don’t stop", but she trusted that whatever reason he had to stop was OK with her because whatever he had planned must be worth the wait for up to now each step led to bigger and better things ahead.

As Black Hawk turned Brown Sugga over he reached over and grabbed the packages of rope that Brown Sugga had found earlier and put to the side. He slowly opened up each package and took the contents from the packages. Once Brown Sugga was nice and comfortable he took one rope and wrapped it around her wrist and formed a knot and then took the other end and tied it to one rail on the King Size bed. He proceeded to do this to Brown Sugga’s other wrist and ankle's...each time as he passed over her he would plant a unsuspecting kiss somewhere on Brown Sugga’s body (thigh...head...lips...nipple...belly etc...). Once all was done Black Hawk sat back and looked at Brown Sugga as she lay helplessly there on the bed at his beckon call.

Brown Sugga (who was still blindfolded) did not know what to think...here she was laying in a room on a bed with a man who was tying her up to a bed...She discovered at the end that she would completely be giving herself to this man to do what he wanted to do for she could not untie herself and would be unable to stop him from doing what he pleased...But what happened next totally brought her to another level...thus the screams of pleasure that she let out...

Black Hawk decided to slide his legs under Brown Sugga and set himself right between her legs...he then reached underneath her buttocks and raised her hips/and butt up to his mouth as if he were eating a nice juicy watermelon...But this was no watermelon...this was finally what he had been waiting for the lump of lusciousness that was oozing with juices...yes Black hawk slid his tongue in and out of that juicy punany and sucked on those punany lips to quench his thirst...

But it was when he started gently nibbling on that thimble of pain and pleasure that he knew he had come full circle, for Brown Sugga let out a moan that was unlike anything he had heard before...her body began to move uncontrollably, but Black Hawk was not going to let the bucking bronco kick him off so he clamped down harder on that booty and drew that azz closer and closer into his mouth and continued doing as he had done...by the time Black Hawk had decided to move on...his face was smothered in love juices coming from Brown Sugga and he was OK with that...

So he lay Brown Sugga back down and even then her body could not be kept still...so he gently began kissing his way up her stomach/belly button/nipples with their locks of iron...he plucked each one in his mouth and gently nibbled them as they rolled across his tongue and lips...until he found his way to her juicy lips where he locked her lips to his lips and their tongues danced within each others mouth...

Brown Sugga was just mesmerized as Black Hawk had brought her to orgasm after orgasm with his mouth to her lower lips...when he stopped she was just about to hit another orgasm so her body shook even more after he had drawn away from her...as he kissed his way up to her, the feel of his shaft touching her body all hot and stuff...she wanted to grab it and just slide it into her mouth and say thank you baby...this is for you...gulp gulp...thank you for thinking of me...gulp gulp...thank you for being with me...gulp gulp...thank you for the breakfast...gulp gulp...thank you for the blessing me with this...gulp gulp...but I couldn't because I was tied down...smile...

So when he brought my juices to me via his mouth and I got to taste me and him I just wanted to show him how much I enjoyed him by passionately kissing him....feeling my nipples dance in his mouth brought about pangs of emotions that felt like the tingling feeling one gets when you have a sushi roll with wasabi!!! Yes baby please don't stop she would say to Black Hawk...Please don't stop!!

Black Hawk felt the time was right so he did it...he reached up and finally removed Brown Sugga’s blindfold so that he could see the passion dancing in her eyes...He looked at her first as she held her eyes closed and he said to her open your eyes and look at me...as Brown Sugga opened her beautiful eyes and for the first time both of them were staring passionately at each other...

Black Hawk told Brown Sugga whatever happens keep looking at me and me at you...Black Hawk then slide his hand down and positioned his love shaft directly at the entrance to pure joy...as he slid his hot shaft into her lump of lusciousness Black Hawk looked at Brown Sugga’s looking directly at him and he saw the pure passion as her face contorted in pain and pleasure...

It was a moment hard to explain as their bodies moved as one and their eyes were locked on each other no words needed to be spoken for instead of using their mouths their eyes were doing all the speaking necessary at this time...all the time and energy and planning had lead them to this moment right here and you can tell that the two of them were in the moment...

Old School - But New

As I drove up I-95, I sort of went through a bunch of scenarios in my mind. How would I behave? What would we talk about? Would she ask the question? How would I answer? Would she remember me? Etc…

All these things ran through my head on my way up I-95…Unlike my previous trips up North this one was not filled with expectations of doing this or making that or having to be this and that to fulfill someone else’s moments of loneliness. There was no expectation of a time and a call or of things to happen!! See my previous ventures up that corridor over the past two years eventually turned into some burdensome shit. I wasn’t sure I should even be making this trip to be honest. Yet, it seemed innocent enough…two people from the same H.S. (her slightly older then me) who couldn’t remember each other for the damn.

The fact is that Sunshine and I never spoke a word to each other during our time in H.S. together…yes we knew some of the same people but our paths never crossed….So when she popped up on my screen on FB as a classmate who I might know, I just assumed that there was a computer error!! See in a school with a student population (at the time) of 875 students, there were only 50 blacks in the whole school. I thought I had known each of them and so when I sent her a message a few weeks back asking if she attended my Alma Mata and she said yes I was shocked as hell!!

You see she was cute…very cute…and I couldn’t believe that I had let one escape me…lol…since Black Hawk was sort of popular in H.S. I just knew that she must have known me…NOPE!! She didn’t, and to be honest that was good. We text each other here and there over the last few weeks (nothing serious or deep). So when I got a call from my cousin asking me to come up and hang out with some folks that I had grew up with I figured I would send her a e-mail saying “Hey I’m coming to NJ”.

Well when she responded back with a good maybe we can have dinner or something. I was shocked as could be. We proceeded to text back and forth about a plan of action…nothing concrete (like things were mandated to be over the past two years and if I wasn’t timely or did not call to inform of changes…OH GOD…all HELL broke lose…smile).

Sunshine was like Black Hawk…let’s just go with the flow create a preliminary plan and lets them be flexible enough that we could easily change them…to show you how this worked out here was our preliminary plan:

1. Get to NJ around 3:00 p.m.
2. Get my haircut
3. Sunshine leaves work at 5:30
4. Sunshine takes her daughter and girlfriend to skating rink 7:00 p.m.
5. Sunshine and Black Hawk hook up for dinner at 7:30 (Italian)
6. Sunshine picks up daughter at 10:00 and takes her home.
7. Black Hawk and Sunshine go out dancing and drinking 10:30 – 2:00 a.m.
8. Saturday…Sunshine and Black Hawk and girlfriend go over to NYC to hang out in Village and grab something to eat.

Well needless to say things went down like this:

1. Black Hawk gets haircut in MD to get it out of the way.
2. Black Hawk arrives in NJ at 6:30 (major traffic delays on I-95, so Black Hawk called Sunshine to let know….No problem she says and talks me through most of the ride)
3. Sunshine calls to tell me that daughter is not going skating, but then calls back to say she is and that she will taking them at 8:00 (cool no problem, gives Black Hawk time to shower and change)
4. Black Hawk meets up with Black Knight in NJ...Black Knight suggest a Portuguese spot in Newark, NJ…nice setting for a first outing…Black Hawk tells Black Knight that Sunshine likes Italian. However, just in case Black Hawk calls Sunshine to inquirer if Portuguese is ok…”I LOVE Portuguese”….Great!!
5. Black Hawk meets Sunshine in Newark at 9:15…
6. Eat at restaurant and then we leave after daughter calls to say she’s ready and the place is closing (10:40 p.m.)
7. Pick up daughter and take her home (11:15 – 12:00).
8. Black Hawk and Sunshine go out dancing (12:00 – 2:00)
9. Black Hawk and Sunshine leave club and talk some more (2:00 – 5:13 a.m.)

Oh Saturday, not happening Black Hawk is tired and Sunshine is ok with that…no arguments or strange faces…what a relief!!!!

Let me back up though….

The Portuguese spot that was recommended turned out to be lovely (SAGRES RESTAURANT & TAVERN)…see I was told it rained all day in NJ so when Black Knight told me that the restaurant had a outdoors area that was dimly lit I wasn’t to impressed because I figured no way can we eat outside…As it turned out the NJ skies cleared up and the night proved to be perfect for dining outside. Since I knew that Sunshine still had to pick up her daughter I just ordered half a jug of Sangria to be shared between the two of us and a beer for me...I like beer!! Sunshine recognized what I had done and was immediately impressed by my thoughtfulness!!

We first complimented each other on how each other looked…She was tastefully dressed in jeans and a slightly tight-fitting shirt. For a woman touching 40ish she looked more 30ish (early)…she was happy that she could wear heels and not be taller then me as she loved wearing heels but confessed that lately the guys she has been seeing were on the short side of the chart (smile). She wore makeup but not overly excessive with it.

I would later find out that she did professional modeling during the late 80’s and early to mid 90’s. It impressed me that she didn’t harp on it, but merely mentioned it as she told her story. I learned that it was because she wanted a family that she decided to end her career, but before retiring from modeling she had made quite a good living off of it.

We talked about H.S. and who this was and that was and what this person and that person were doing now etc….I must say that it was quite refreshing to be the person who finally could listen to someone speak of their life stories without having to pull stuff out of them as I have had to do over the past 2 years.

I found myself listening to her which is quite different from what I’m use to. At one point I wondered if I not talking was because I was empty of conversation about me, mine and my past… (see Native American had me believing that my stories were told over and over again and that she grew tired of them…) so was it fear of Sunshine growing tired of them that prevented me from delving into my stories…I surmised that was not it, but it was more a feeling that her stories were so riveting and interesting to listen to! I was happy that it was not me who had to carry the conversation all night.

We talked about a wide range of topics over dinner and there never seemed to be a dull moment…One conversation that truly had me giggling was when we discussed raising children…see Native American was not one I could discuss these things with since she had left her children for someone else to raise (mind boggling…how she justified it…but hey that’s her issue).

The evening was moving along great and then the phone call came right smack in the middle of our dinner (half eaten)…Her daughter needed her to come now…before she even asked I had already left the table to tell the waitress that we needed the check. Sunshine scored a big 3-pointer when I got back and I discovered that she had snuck my beer (that I could not finish and just opened it since we were drinking the Sangria) out so I could drink it later…I ended up pouring it out as I didn’t want to drink and drive, but I thanked her nonetheless for thinking of me.

I followed her to pick up her daughter then back to her house…I knew she was having a good time because if she wanted to vacate the scene she had many chances…yet she dropped off her daughter changed shoes and came right back out for Pt. 2 of our night out.

We went to a spot in NJ where I was meeting up with my cousin who I had not seen in a second and some other friends that I had grown up with in NJ. My cousin was recently engaged so I wanted to meet her fiancé (who happened to be an old friend of mine also) and at the same time I wanted to hang out with my peeps from back in the day!! Quite amazingly I thought that in the 2 years that Native American and I had dealt with one another we never did this. I mean I never came up to NY/NJ and hung out with my people besides Black Knight (who grew to not like Native American). Yet here I was with Sunshine…talking and laughing…My boy Black Knight met us at the spot and like a good wingman does I would later find out (through Sunshine) that he asked her many questions. She would later tell me that your boy definitely has your back. I thought to myself…”I already knew that…but thanks…lol”.

We closed the spot out and Sunshine and I sat outside talking on the bench as people filtered out of the place…My boy Black Knight and his man The Judge sat to the side and was shooting the breeze about some event the next day. I would have loved to go, but really didn’t bring the proper attire to attend. After a while all three of us headed to our cars, Black Knight walked with us and being the wingman that he is proceeded to throw all types of questions at Sunshine. Unlike many times before I decided to just listen and let her engage in this wordplay with Black Knight and see how she stood up. In doing so it told me a great many things about her.

I knew what Black Knight was doing and I was ok with it…having just dealt with some craziness for the past 2 years he wanted to see where Sunshine’s mind was and what her views were on things. I use to be able to recognize crazy, but I must say I’m not in any position to argue someone else’s skills in this area right now…LMAO…

After Black Knight pulled out Sunshine and I proceeded to talk for another 2 ½ hours outside our cars and the question finally came (as I knew it would come).

For the first time in forever as I sat there and explained my situation and what is going on in my life with my wife, kids, home, job etc…I felt at peace when I was done…there were no lies or mistruths etc…I told Sunshine that all I’m really interested in right now is being a good friend…no expectations of this or that…she was ok with that and as she said “Who knows this could be a FF thing (Friends Forever)…with benefits”…I laughed and told her I heard the “with benefits” part!!

Although we had planned on going to NYC the next day…I decided I wanted to spend sometime with my Mom and I did that…Mom and I sat in her kitchen and ate a plate full of Porgies (a fish native to the north east) and talked. After which I headed down to South Jersey to spend more time with my cousins and had a GREAT Time!!!





Sunshine called me and never complained about my change in plans…She and her girl still went to NYC and I'm sure they had a beautiful time...

On Sunday, we talked some more then I headed back to MD…the only bad part to this is that Black Hawks phone went dead so I couldn’t talk to Sunshine and anyone else on my way back home on Sunday…so Black Knight and MD Finest will need to wait to get an update of sorts…Not really much to say other then I made a friend that was Old School, but New this weekend…and we shall see where it goes from there:)

P.S. – when I got home and charged my phone…who was the 1st person to call???? Yeah Sunshine…it felt good…but it felt good (wink…wink)!!

Player No More

In the words of the this rap song ‘I don’t wanna be a player no more”….I was just sitting around looking at TCM and playing Mafia Wars on Facebook when I heard this song come on and it struck a chord with me…

[Joe]
whoahhaoohhH! Yeah
Don't wanna be a player (T.S.)

[Intro/Chorus: Joe, Big Punisher]

[Joe] I don't wanna be a player no more
[Pun] I'm not a player I just fuck a lot
[Joe] But Big Punisher, still got what you're lookin for
[1 - Pun] For my thug niggas, for my thug niggas
[2 - Pun] Uptown baby, uptown
[Joe] Don't wanna be, don't wanna be - I don't wanna be a player no more
[Pun] I'm not a player I just fuck a lot
[Joe] But you know Big Punisher still down by law
[Joe] Who's down to crush a lot

………………


[Joe]
Boricua, morena, boricua, morena
No more rolling with an entourage
Unless it's Pun and the Terror Squad

Punisher, Punisher, Big Punisher
Punisher... Joe and Big Punisher

Boricua, morena, boricua, morena

Yeah lately I knew it would happen, but my boys (Black Knight and MD Finest) have been teasing me about my player status (just joking with me). I really can’t blame them, but hey it’s all good. I’ve had 40 years on this earth and of that 22 have been spent doing my thing (minus the 8 good years of being happily married) and that still leaves me with 14 years of being a player and crushing a lot!!!

It may sound soft of me but if I left this world today right now…I’m still way ahead in the “crush a lot” category…LMAO

So all I’m really saying is this “I don’t wanna be a player NO MORE”!!

TODAY!!

Today would have been two years…yes 7/28/07 was the day that N/A and I had our first date…How do I look back on this day after all that has happened? I sit here and wonder what we would have been doing to celebrate this day…Would we have been arguing or planning a nice day for the two of us filled with laughter and lovemaking? (What a novel thought…smile)

I have decided that I would head down to the National Harbor and have some guacamole at Rosa Mexicano (something she got me into) and take in a movie at the Harbor (Grease is playing tonight) by myself and just relax.

My children are headed out of town again for 2 weeks and I will miss them!! There Uncle purchased airplane tickets for the two of them to fly to Memphis to visit their Grandparents…I feel so useless and shit…can’t even buy my kids tickets to go out of town…bro need a Damn job quickly…Yet I remain optimistic that something will turn up soon and a big portion of my worries will then be taken care of.

I was looking at a movie and one of the characters said the following:

“Empty your minds, you must learn to eat time” author unknown

I thought that was such a profound statement…what does it mean? I suspect it can mean different things to different people. Yet, I now must discern what it means to me…In time I will let you know…until then I’m trying to empty my mind.

later

My words through others voice!!

I Love “Love Songs”!! I mean I use to sit around in my room as a young boy and listen to the “Quiet Storm” every night. In fact I hated when they played all that rap, and fast music…lol…I would set-up my tape recorder and get a pen and paper and just make my “Love Tapes”….LMAO

By the time I got to college I had a library of tapes (yeah you young bucks don’t know anything about tapes…smile) that the fellas use to come begging me to borrow tapes when they had a lady coming by or something.

I sometimes find it hard to express my feelings, but I can surely find a song a Love Song that can tell my story and how I feel about you. I once told N/A that these songs express how I feel about you….she said to me that it was nice but they are not your words so it doesn't mean that much to me…I was rather hurt by that statement, because what she failed to realize was that these were my words…I just chose a different vehicle in order to express them.

I thought I would share some of me with you through song so above each link is what the song says to me about Love in all its many forms…Hope you enjoy!

Passionate Love


Young Love


Friendship Love


Self Love


GODS Love


Love in the Home


Lost Love


Neverending Love


Working at Love

Noopa..No-No

Well the scene went something like this...I was returning home from my trip to Tampa Bay to see my boy Furious get married. I arrived at the airport at 5:00p.m. (my flight was suppose to leave out at 6:10 p.m. but i got a call from the airport telling me that it was delayed until 8:00 due to a mechanical error.) and decided not to go directly through security. I figured why rush since I had a few hours to spare.

So i walked around the airport for a little until i found someplace comfortable to sit and i could monitor the board just in case flight info changed. While I was sitting i decided to call my old squeeze Philly Fanatic. Now her and I have some long long history, but i wanted to take the opportunity to apologize to her for the things I have done to her in the past. Now, w/o going into to much detail her and I just completed some unfinished business once i got some results back (but that's another story). Our conversation was good and something that needed to happen.

So i got off the phone with Philly Fanatic and decided to go through security and get to my gate...I still had about 2 hours before my flight was to leave, but i wanted to at least be at the gate and ready so i could just chill.

Well after going through security and coming up to my gate i saw her...yes a woman that could not be missed!! I didn't stare at her even though her beauty was definitely worthy of a stare, but i more like glanced at her as she was sitting in her chair at my gate (i surmised she was heading to DC also). I proceeded to walk around and try and find a seat near a outlet so i could charge my phone. So as i walked around the gate i once again glanced towards her way and to my surprise i caught her staring at Black Hawk!! Whoa, this sort of caught me off guard but i made a mental note of it and went about my business.

Since i couldn't find a seat i decided to walk to the little store and get a pack of gum...Well, as i was coming out of the store i saw Noopa walking towards me and heading into the store. We made eye contact, but kept walking our separate ways. I proceeded to sit in the chair and rest my feet. However, i must say i did position myself so i could see Noopa come out of the store when she was finished.

I almost missed Noopa because i fell asleep once i sat down, but i did catch the last of her as she disappeared into the ladies room. Well, honestly i didn't think anything more of it and proceeded to resume my sleep that i very much needed. Then to my surprise, I saw Noopa come out the ladies room and sit right behind me!!!!!

Now here is where the story really begins...see Noopa as I would later find out is Jordanian (for those of you who are lacking in geography...that means she's from Jordan...the middle east) and i must say she definitely represents the best of what Jordan has to offer. I sat there wondering to myself if and how i should approach this lovely young lady.

I got on the phone with my boy Black Knight just to pass the time, but i really couldn't focus on talking to him as my mind was still wondering about her. So our convo lasted only about 10 minutes. Once i hung up my dilemma was solved as i turned my head Noopa was already opening her mouth to say something to me...The convo went something like this:

Noopa - So did you enjoy your time in Tampa Bay

Black Hawk - Oh very much so...and how about yourself?

Noopa - Oh, I love Tampa Bay...would love to move here if i could...

Black Hawk - So I take it your from the DC area

Noopa - No, I'm actually from Alabama..

Black Hawk - Alabama...I would have never guessed that

Noopa - well I'm really from Jordan, but my folks moved to Alabama right before i started H.S. and then i ended up going to college there...

Black Hawk - Oh ok, that explains it

Now from there we ended up talking about a variety of things until it was time to get on the plane...we discovered that our seats were right next to one another (well actually...i had the window and she had the aisle...but she decided to ask the lady who was in the middel seat if she could sit in the middle seat so we could continue our convo)...This was strange to me because although Black Hawk is good at making convo, when it comes to certain type of hook-ups i have no game at all...lol

Noopa and I talked non-stop from the time we met at the gate, on the plane she told me how her male friend (boy friend) lives in Tampa Bay, but that the distance is hurting them so they decided to just be friends for now and see how it goes...I discovered that she is not a US citizen and that she works at the Jordanian Embassy in DC. During her weekends she works with the promoters of this DC Night Spot called "The Park" (so she told me never to worry about paying again...smile) and without prompting she just tells me that she likes dating out of her race (ok).

We ended up playing a game on the plane...you know the word puzzles where you have to find the hidden words in the puzzle...well we did that for the last 30 minutes...during which time she started laying her head on my shoulder and poking me as we got excited when we found a word...We decided that we wanted to finish one puzzle before the flight landed and as the plane pulled up to the gate we found our last word "ENJOY" which I then proceeded to tell her that I enjoyed meeting her and she said likewise!!

Once the plane stopped...she turned on her phone and called her girl (who had her car while she was gone) to come and pick her up...Well i don't know if it was divine fate, but her girl didn't answer. So with it being so late I offered to drive her home since my car was already at the airport. She accepted and since neither one of us checked any bags...we proceeded to my vehicle. I knew the area in which she lived in (Tenleytown..section of Washington, DC) well enough so I was cool with getting there.

Once again, during the ride there were no quiet moments as she and i talked about a wide range of things...

However, the only awkward moment came at the end...see my thought was to drop Noopa off and make myself ghost!!! Yet Noopa had other ideas...The car pulled up to her place (she lives in a NICE Azz place) and this is how the story goes...

Black Hawk - well i guess i got you home safe

Noopa - Oh yes you did

Black Hawk - well now you can get in there and get some rest so you can be ready for work tomorrow...so you should be to bed by 11:30 right...

Noopa - well that all depends on you!!

Black Hawk - ????? Confused???? Why is that?

Noopa - well i thought you might want to come up for a drink or something

Thinking to myself the drink i can handle, but it's the "something" that worries me...now keep in mind this lady is gorgeous and built like a sister from around the way and if i was in another place and space in my life she would definitely be a catch...but as you know Black Hawk is in a totally diff space right now...so instead of a quick answer for the first time there was silence...Once i did get my thoughts right this is what i said...

Black Hawk - Noopa, don't get me wrong I think you are an absolutely beautiful lady and i would love to continue our conversation. But, i really don't think it would be a good thing to continue it up in your spot. Not to say that anything would happen, but the possibility of something happening would be there and I don't want to go down that path right now. As I told you on the plane I've just gone through some really tough things recently and I'm not ready to engage in anything right now but friendship. Now if we can be friends then I'm cool with that if your cool with that.

Noopa - Black Hawk can i see that paper i wrote my number down on...I want to give you another number (my direct line number)...It is rare that a person would say what you just said to me and i respect you for that. You said that you are upfront with things so I will and have been the same...I must say I was attracted to you when I saw you walking towards the gate and was hoping that you were on my flight. This right here is not really my "M.O" you know with the culture and religion that I was raised in. So for me to put myself out there like that was taking a chance...I feel sort of silly right now, and i hope you don't think negative of me.

Black Hawk - Noopa, I'm not here to judge you and really i do feel honored that I was able to meet you...I think this was good because now we at least know where each person is and we have a better chance of forging a good friendship.

Noopa - I really think we will and look forward to that happening...

Black Hawk - Well you better get going and have a nice evening (what i did next is so not me i had to laugh)...i extended my hand towards her and caught her a little off guard...see what i wanted to do was shake her hand!!! Yes, shake her hand!! My usual is at least a hug or a kiss on the cheek...but here for the first time in i think forever...i wanted a handshake...LMAO

Noopa - Oh you are the best...LOL...but cool

Black Hawk - Thanks...Good Night

As I drove away, i was telling myself good job Black Hawk!! This has been the second time that an opportunity has presented itself to let the beast out in me. I must say the first time (see "Danger Will Robinson...Danger") was easy because it was something that Black Hawk had already done. Yet, Noopa was some new stuff and oh was she gorgeous and it's harder to move away from something new.

I decided to drive down to the monuments and just walk around for a while and just do some more thinking...The more i walked the better i was with my decision and hopefully we can be good friends and we will look back on this one day and laugh...

I'm really not ready to make that move in that direction with anyone right now and even though the pot has not been getting filled lately...i would rather it be empty then to start filling it again and find myself right back in another situation...Good Night!!

The Final Move Out!!

It is ironic that the one element for human survival that the body needs is Water…Well can you believe that the first utility that was shut off in my old place was the water!! Yes, I have finally completed my move out of “That Place”!! The house was empty of life, the grass that I had so carefully taken care of was brown and hard…it looked as though death had set in on the place….insects had infested a plant that I had seen flourish during the time there, but was now a decaying branch…

I set out the garbage (except for things that will need bulk removal) and left only a few things behind…the Master bedroom mattress/box spring, a desk, bean bags, and yes bad memories!!

I took the keys off and left them at the front door…garage door opener was left in the garage…and there is no reason to go back there ever again. I shall move on physically, but I shall never forget the things that went on in that space and place. I lost so much of me the person in that place that it shall take sometime to get back. I look at pictures of me before I moved in there and pictures of me after and I look so drained and tired.

In my new spot I’ve been trying to get the life back in me…the dark spots under my eyes and the weight I lost will be replaced by fatty cells and clear new skin…lol…I’m heading out to tan and have fun for a change. I feel like I’m being reborn again.

I joined a church this past Sunday…a type of church which I never ever thought I would ever join…



but when I walked into the place and sat down and just let the spirit come into me I was taken away. My path to rebirth has begun and I plan on taking you all with me through this experience…There will be times that I falter, but I know now that I have the strength to get back up…how does the old gospel song go:

“We fall down, but we get up, because a Saint is just a Sinner who fell down”

If your ready to come with me get on board, for the great space coaster is taking off!!!!

Vacation...Vacation

My first vacation in quite sometime that just involves me!! Yes, I’m heading to Tampa Bay in t-minus two days…My boy Furious is getting married to a Beautiful lady from the ATL and so we are heading down on Friday. MD Finest and I will be riding the same plane…This will be our first trip together on a plane since we went down to Atlanta for our employers at the time several years ago.

MD Finest and I are going to get some rounds of golf in while we are in Tampa Bay…I wish I had my damn clubs, but unfortunately they are in NJ so I may have to rent clubs for the weekend. But I just thought of something…I may ride up to NJ (Moms house) pick up my clubs and then head back the same day…it will be cheaper to do that then have them shipped again. Plus I get a chance to see my Mom and get me some Porgies (that’s a fish that’s popular in the North East).

I hope when I get to Tampa Bay I will get a chance to hook up with one of my old middle school classmates (Ray of Hope). I haven’t seen her in a gazillion years and she recently got engaged so it would be nice to hang with her and her new fiancé for a second. I will have to gauge that opportunity, since we are going down for a wedding and when you’re with a group you have to be respectful of what the group may want to do. If possible though, I may break off for a second and at least meet up with Ray of Hope and her man for a drink or two.

I will make sure I take a lot of pictures for all to see, but they will be on my Facebook page so you might have to pipe over there t see them…lol…talk to you again before I head out.

Danger Will Robinson...Danger

Danger Will Robinson…Danger….Danger…remember that line from the old “Lost in Space” sci-fi movie…smile…Well Black Hawk has had a Danger warning flashing on my phone for the past few days…I asked MD Finest about it last night and even he was perplexed.

See right about now Black Hawk has been yearning for some oochie goochie na na na for sometime now…I mean damn it’s been since 5/31 since I last got me some…and trust for Black Hawk that is quite sometime!

Well since Black Hawk and MD Finest were spotted in the liquor store by MD Crab Cake cousin (Soft as Silk) Black Hawk has been getting calls from her. See I have never brought up MD Crab Cake because she was a non factor. You see she and Black Hawk had their time a few years back and Black Hawk had to bring that to an end. Her number was erased from my memory and phone by me for a reason. However, she caught me off guard recently when she called because I couldn’t recognize the number. The conversation went something like this:

Black Hawk – Hello

MD Crab Cake – Hey baby

Black Hawk – Who is this?

MD Crab Cake – MD Crab Cake

Black Hawk – Thinking in his head Damn why did I answer this…I don’t want to talk to her….so I said “What’s Up”

MD Crab Cake – What’s been up with you?

Black Hawk – Nothing much…just busy

MD Crab Cake – oh really…Damn a sister don’t get no-time anymore…You going to Miami this year?

Black Hawk – Naw not going, but hey listen I got to run about to handle some business

MD Crab Cake – ok call me back when you get a moment.

So our little conversation ended…right after which Black Hawk locked her number back in the phone so that he could know when she was calling the next time and let it go unanswered.

Since that conversation and my running into Soft as Silk in the liquor store, Black Hawk has gotten about 12 calls from MD Crab Cake. May not seem like a lot of calls, but from someone who you haven’t spoken to in forever that’s a great deal of calls!!
See MD Crab Cake is someone from the past for a reason and ones I wish not to unravel again, but needless to say we had our time it was fun and then it was over (my choice). Since then MD Finest has told me that she has just let herself go in the looks category. Not to say that should be the barometer of whether or not you interact with someone, but for me it’s an indicator for her. You see when MD Crab Cake is at her best and doing right she was one Maryland’s finest, but the fact that she has gained tons of weight and so forth tells me that she’s still doing the things that led me to cut it off.

While I was chilling at MD Finest house last night I get another call from MD Crab Cake and show MD Finest the call as it was coming in. I wondered out loud once again why she is calling me. I didn’t answer the call at the time but thought to myself next time she calls I’m going to find out what she wants.

Later that evening when I was heading back to my new spot (which is not far from MD Finest) I get another call from you know who MD Crab Cake. So I answer this time and the conversation went like this:

Black Hawk – Hello MD Crab Cake…What’s Up?

MD Crab Cake – You baby…I been trying to hit you up for the past few days…you didn’t get any of my calls? My cousin said she saw you and MD Finest in the liquor store.

Black Hawk – oh really, yeah I saw her and Soft as Silk was looking gorgeous as usual…lol…tell her we both thought so.

MD Crab Cake – oh your boy was checking? Because I know you weren’t making that mistake.

Black Hawk – I mean damn she was there and I looked and he looked…I’m not a horse…lol

MD Crab Cake – anyway…so where you at now?

Black Hawk – heading to my spot

MD Crab Cake – what you mean your spot? You’re living by yourself?

Black Hawk – yeah I’m on my own right now…

MD Crab Cake – So when can a sister get an invite?

Danger….Danger…Danger…Danger….Danger….Danger…

Black Hawk – lady please…listen I’m about to go into an area where my phone gets no signal, but if we get disconnected I’ll call you back ok.

MD Crab Cake – hello…hello…hello…can you hear me

Black Hawk – still can hear her, but ends call!
I should have seen it coming with all the calls but luckily I was able to see the Danger signal once the call was accepted. I mean don’t get me wrong Black Hawk is in need of some comfort, but really…really…really I know MD Crab Cake is not the answer to my problems but more of a problem in itself…She is from the past for a reason and I choose to let her remain in the past!!

Strength in Weakness

The truth be told I have been thinking about her in brief moments here and there but enough to make it a lot…I know I know I know it’s a weakness, but I have to be honest with myself…for all the bad times that we’ve had, we've had just as many good times…today was the day that we were suppose to go see my Yankees play in their new ballpark…see she is a Mets fan but went to Yankees because of me…I was sort of looking forward to this trip even though I knew that we wouldn’t make it to that date by the way things were progressing…

But the thought of us hanging out in our Yankee gear in the new stadium was just too much to bear!!

I busied myself with things to do to take my mind off of her and our past….see for all that I have said and drilled into everyone of how bad a person and relationship this was…I have to be true to myself and admit that we also had some very good times…

Our walk in Battery Park to the early morning hours…

Our trip to the Mets Game in our matching Mets gear…


Our trips to the Magic Johnson Movie Theater in Harlem…Christmas shopping in Harlem…playing Wii bowling in bed to the early morning hours…her looking at me get tired from playing Wii boxing to the early morning hours…our weekend trip to upstate NY to this Bed and Breakfast spot…

Mardi Gras (even though we ran out of $$)…


Spending our 1st week together at a Hotel in NYC and getting up taking late night strolls…visiting the sex museum in NYC off the humbug…our drive to the Luray Caverns…Breakfast at IHOP…Mid week trip to Philly...subway rides in NYC (she knew the trains so well…like exactly were to stand for the train door)…our Happy Hour in Bryant Park and her subsequent pool night that I was smashed at and fell to sleep on couch…LMAO…her taking a pee pee on our 1st date outside in the woods….me taking off my pants and shirt to give to her so she wouldn’t get bitten anymore by mosquitoes…me showing up at her place with nothing on but my raincoat (caught her way off guard)…lol…our trip to Yankee Stadium (old one) in our matching Yankee gear…



Going to spoken word nights…


Going to see Native Son (play)…looking at her learning how to snowboard (at least she tried)…nursing her through her first cold while together…our theft (I know not good) of drink menus at various restaurants…our late night stroll in MD during her first trip down to see me/cousin…our scavenger hunt during the mothers day weekend…




Our trip to Mount Vernon (see photo)





Our picnic in Ft. Washington park…going to see tree during Christmas at Rockefeller Center…exchanging gifts for the holidays...going to see Gil Scott Heron…


Hanging out in NYC...



Walking in Central Park…driving her to work…picking her up from work…1st meal she ever cooked for me…I will stop there…

See I wasn’t going to share this post as I saw it as a sign of weakness in my efforts to shed her from my psyche. However, I am learning that to hate her and the time we spent together is in essence like saying I hate myself. I’ve focused so much on the negative aspect of our time together that I figured it was serving as a roadblock to recovery. By remembering the good times I am better able to move on and forgive.

I saw it as a weakness, but in the end this trip down memory lane has become more of a strengthening experience.

Glad I decided to share this with you all. I got up early in the morning to post this because it was on my mind.