20/20

Today I turned 20/20 (that’s 40 to all you knuck heads out there)…yes Black Hawk has crossed the invisible half way point in life…I got a call from my younger brother today and he proceeded to tell me that “Bra you are now on the early side of being considered a old head”. That struck me as weird as I feel the same as I did yesterday…does 20/20 make me smarter then when I was 39? I woke up with the same problems, dreams, aspirations, etc…as I did the previous day.

I do find myself looking for more meaning in the regular things in life that I just paid no attention to before. I want to know more about why things are they way they are…are our lives predetermined…when will my time come (today, tomorrow, 1,2,10,15 years from now) and 20/20 has given me the same answers to these questions as 39 did…I’m still wandering.

I got a Happy Bday wish from the one who Loves me…she wanted to express to me that she hopes that I will have a beautiful year ahead of me and with the onset of 20/20, that I find happiness and fulfillment in life. I was pleased to hear this from Native American but at the same time those words and expressions brought on a sense of worry.

Had I gone through half my life and not yet found these things in life? Damn, if that’s the case then I feel sad for myself. Black Hawk has always lived life on the edge of uncertainty and now he longs for certainty…How does he acquire it? What does it look like I don’t know?

…so I just may have to continue on this course and see what becomes of it and me. One thing that I know for sure though and that’s if Black Hawk should leave this world tomorrow I am certain of one thing and that is I have left this world much better then it was when I came into it…why you ask…well I have two beautiful children that are the love of my life and when they smile and are happy then I know that I can’t be all that bad…yesterday was Black Hawks son Bday and guess what he was happy and therefore I was happy!!!

Thanks 20/20