"That Day" Part 2

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"That Day" Part 2
Mar 24, 2009 at 10:36 PM Post a comment

Back to the night at Wendy’s with the fellas…I told them that I would cross that bridge when the time came since I had a few months to prepare (see Educated Diva wasn’t due back to school until the end of August or beginning of September) and so I just tabled it and went on like nothing happened. Sweet P prepared to move in with me and I did the same…Let me say her folks didn’t like this at all and thus cut her off from everything (took her car, cut her off there insurance and so forth)…Sweet P left her job and was hoping to find one down in DC but never did…Sweet P moved in with Black Hawk and we started to play house and shit…to be honest things were going pretty damn good and we had some fun times just being around one another and building a home together…Not to mention for the first time I was able to get some of the sweet and nasty goodie stuff from Sweet P whenever I wanted some and boy did I like that Sweet P stuff…the more we did it the more she began to open up and get more jiggy with her shit…which was good for me since I had definitely become more jiggy with my shit since 6-21-86…I think I had just put Educated Diva out of my mind and shit….

Then it came the first signs of it was the letter that Educated Diva sent to me which was intercepted by Sweet P in our mailbox (shit how did I forget about that…I had become so damn sloppy it was shameful) in the letter Educated Diva had professed her undying love for me and all other type of stuff including how much she missed that good stuff that Black Hawk would deliver to her on a regular basis during school…well Sweet P read it all and upon me coming home from work one day she confronted me with it…of course Sweet P was visibly upset and rightfully so…I tried to ensure her that the thing between Educated Diva and I was over and it was what it was (more lies)…and I felt by letting her move in with me that was showing her that it was over (somewhat true but I still hadn‘t broken shit off with Educated Diva)…well that night we cried, hugged (well she cried) and cuddled and eventually we went to sleep.

Well what happened next was some shit right out of the movies…early the next morning I get a knock on my door (by the way it’s important to note that we didn’t have a phone in our apt so no one could call ahead of time and once again no cell phones and shit just a pager that went beep). I get up while Sweet P laid in the bed sleeping still…I stagger to the front door in my boxers with my jimmy all hard and shit (sorry it was morning time and I had just got up…lol) and open the door with the chain lock still on and who is at the door…yes…u guessed it…Educated Diva….DAMN!!!!!! With a big azz smile on her face…come to find out she had wanted to get some loving from Black Hawk and drove all night from NY thinking about what she was going to do with me when I opened that door….But when she saw the look on my face I think her heart broke right there and then…I closed the door took off the chain and told her to come in and have a seat…I was actually rather calm about the situation looking back on it now. I then went to the back and told Sweet P that she might as well come on out and join us since we had just talked about this the night before.

So Sweet P got up and put on some clothes and came out into the living room….well I sat on the couch and the two ladies were both stunned there looking at each other in disbelief…both looking at the other wondering what the fuck are you doing here. I can see Educated Diva saying to herself ‘What the hell is this girl doing up in my Man’s place”….but at the same time I could see Sweet P saying to herself “Why is this bitch standing in my living room right now”. Well the day that I knew would come had finally arrived and it was happening right in the center of my living room floor…I always knew the day would come but never really gave to much thought to what I would do or how I would act. Quite surprisingly I was very calm and collected…I figured to myself it was no use trying to hide from it…I knew I was wrong and I had been hiding and avoiding it for far to long and now it was here and the only thing I could do now was be a man about it and deal with it…Well the two ladies started jabbing at one another like “you need to leave…no I think you need to leave”…this went on for a minute or two and really the Educated Diva had no real standing since Sweet P did actually live there with me (even though her name wasn’t on anything)….
Then the questions turned towards me “Well Black Hawk what are you going to do”…”Tell her to leave”…”Tell her you’re my man” etc….The next words that came out my mouth really surprised me…I told both of the ladies Sweet P and Educated Diva that they should both leave me alone…I just didn’t mean for the moment but for good…I was relieved like a whole pile of mess was finally off of my shoulders…I had been living these two lives for so long and dealing with the stress of it for so long that now that it was out in the open I was relieved…I told them that I didn’t need or want to be with anybody right now…that I needed to focus on getting Black Hawk right again!!!! Here I was sitting on my couch in my living room in my apartment telling the two women that I had cared for the most over the last 5 years to just leave me B! See this was crazy because since 6-21-86 Black Hawk had never ever never been without a woman in his life…Sweet P was always there and then I had supplemented those away times with a variety of other jump-offs along the way. I finally asked Educated Diva to go over to her sister’s place and I would come by later to speak with her and Sweet P just went back into the bedroom.

I never really thought about how this affected Sweet P…see she and I had been together for so long and had endured so much, but I knew that we had grown apart and I think she knew it also…I know she was probably hurt about what had happened but I think I sort of felt like she was happy that things had finally came to the surface also. Since Sweet P and I had spent the good part of the last 3 ½ years apart I always felt somewhere in the back of my mind that she was doing her own thing also. This was my way of justifying my shit…I could never prove anything, but it was always a sense that I got inside and most of the time it was always right. On the other hand Educated Diva and I had spent the past 1 ½ together most of the time and had shared many conversations together of what we would do with our careers and what we wanted to do as a family…family yeah she actually wanted a family with me…something Sweet P and clearly shown by certain action earlier on in our courtship that she did not want or should I say did not want with me…this realization was something that made our relationship even more strained, but it was never really talked about just pushed to the side.

To my surprise during all of this I had found that my grades improved dramatically…I used my schoolwork as something to take my mind off of all the stuff that was going on in my personal life (I actually had the best semester grade wise in my whole college career during this time period). Eventually I had asked Sweet P to move back home and after she left Educated Diva and I had conversations and even enjoyed the company of each other sexually a few times but it was clear it would/could never be the same too much had happened and to many hearts had been broken (u see Educate Divas family was heart broken when the found out…her loving Dad who took me on as a Son was heart broken and I was told he just sat in his lounge chair at his Doctors office and kept saying Black Hawk is just confused right now)…

I believe Sweet P’s folks were elated that there daughter had finally ridded herself of Black Hawk. I must say that much of my animosity towards Sweet P came from how her folks treated me…I use to tell her that they would need to call ahead of time so I wouldn’t be home if they ever came by and I was serious…they didn’t like me (why I don’t know) and in turn I started to grow to hate them…I believe that I used them as my source of motivation throughout my life to be successful and make a lot of money…I always wanted them to know how well I was doing and how successful I had become so that they could see what Sweet P could have had and how I would have provided for her…It always stuck in me as a young teenager when Sweet P’s mom told me that I would never make as much $$ as them…I shared that story with my Aunt one day and it burned her…so she would always make it a point to bring up her successful nephew with the big house and lovely wife and kids whenever she was around Sweet P’s mother at certain social events up in NJ.

Little did Sweet P ever realize how much control she wielded over Black Hawk…shit it was because of Sweet P that Black Hawk ever came into existence…I would always say that I never wanted to hurt like the way I hurt with Sweet P ever again…now don’t get me wrong I was upset about how things ended with Educated Diva and I really felt like it could have been a beautiful thing if not for all the other shit that I put her through…but nothing could compare to the Love and affection you have towards your first Love and that’s what Sweet P was to me….So as I sat there in my empty apartment (once Sweet P moved out I decided to move in with some relatives) wondering what had happened over the past few months and how “THAT DAY” had changed so much for me in my life I cried and cried and cried…I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much over a woman ever again in my life…Black Hawk was hurt and in pain…he had lived the life of a playa and played it well he had been to the top of the mountain and sat on it’s throne for quite sometime and now here he sat all alone no one to talk to and no one to listen to…for the first time in Black Hawks adult life he was alone…and it was at that moment that I believe Black Hawk became a man!! Sweet P had brought me through adolescence to Manhood…Thank You!!